I recently attended Ignite Boulder - an event held every three months in which twelve selected speakers are given five minutes to present on any topic of their choice - think of it as TED talks on speed.
The last speaker of the evening gave a profound speech on the need to stop using the word "gay" outside of someone's sexual orientation or when describing something as "happy." Her opening statement was, "Hi I'm (name) and I'm gay!" From there she went on to talk about how words like "gay" "cripple" "retarded" "fag" etc. have been thrown around too much in our day-to-day speech and often are used to described something as bad, wrong, pointless. Recognizing that the community of Boulder is overall known for being accepting of differences in lifestyles she encouraged the audience to be leaders in changing the way in which we use our words and express out feelings so that others who do not understand or recognize the hurt words can cause may begin to think and talk differently.
I attended this event with a friend and climbing partner who only has one functioning leg. A decade ago he was in accident that damaged his spine causing him to be paralyzed for five years following. In the recent five years he has retaught himself to walk and stand up although now with only one leg. His left leg remains 90% dead and so he walks with crutches and has a very noticeable limp.
I thought is was interesting the reaction he had to her talk. When she threw out the word "cripple" he was instantly convicted of using that term a lot to describe himself and some of this friends who too have lower body injuries. On the other hand he admitted that he couldn't stand when anyone outside of this disability culture used that word, but he never really cared if he or another disabled person threw it around.
He went up to the presenter after the event and told her from now on he was no longer going to use derogatory terms about disabilities and just couldn't stop telling me how wrong he felt for ever finding it acceptable. I asked him if it made a difference, or he found it more acceptable, to be ok with using the word himself because he is disabled and he quickly answered, no.
When we had our guest in for our class on disability culture, Julie Reiskin, she made mention that what was ok for her, or someone with disabilities, to say was not ok for someone outside of that culture/community to say. But what changed for my friend at Ignite was that if he expected others to respect and change their language then he should set the example by too changing the way he talks about himself and other people with disabilities.
Although this isn't connected to any one article, I thought it was interesting enough to share as we look at cultures and discuss what is right and respectful, and what isn't. In my own personal experience I have a mentally challenged sibling. I do not and will not ever use the word "retarded" to describe him or anything else even if its completely unrelated to a human's mental ability. That word is often used to describe something as stupid, pointless, not right etc. And that is not how I feel about my sibling. Even though I may have some leeway in the culture because of my family situations, I still would never find it ok to use that word or for anyone in this community to use that word.
And I wonder if the same should be considered within ethnic groups who use racial slurs with one another but find it offensive if those words are used by another outside of the culture. Like the presenter at Ignite said change must begin with those who are want to make a difference and it must continue by the example we show. So she asked her GLBT community to not use the word "gay" of "fag" outside of its rightful meaning. And my friend voiced that he couldn't and shouldn't call himself a cripple or a gimp if he wanted to ask the rest of society to stop using it.
Silly example but its what I was reminded of in the conversations that followed the Ignite Event with my friends. In the movie, Mean Girls, Tina Fey is talking with the female teenagers in the auditorium about the need to stop harassing and judging one another. And she throws this out.. "You have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores." Is this true? Do we unknowingly make it ok for words to be used against us if we're ok using them ourselves?
So to sum this up, my challenge is to rethink the way in which we talk to each other in our own cultures before we can expect others to change the way they talk to us. Now I'm all about jokes and making light of something, but at the end of the day our language is filled with a billion words so there's a ton of options to chose from so let's exercise our minds and vocabulary to use words more appropriately.
They haven't uploaded her speech yet to their youtube page, but when they do I think it's worth taking a look at.. http://www.youtube.com/igniteboulder
The last speaker of the evening gave a profound speech on the need to stop using the word "gay" outside of someone's sexual orientation or when describing something as "happy." Her opening statement was, "Hi I'm (name) and I'm gay!" From there she went on to talk about how words like "gay" "cripple" "retarded" "fag" etc. have been thrown around too much in our day-to-day speech and often are used to described something as bad, wrong, pointless. Recognizing that the community of Boulder is overall known for being accepting of differences in lifestyles she encouraged the audience to be leaders in changing the way in which we use our words and express out feelings so that others who do not understand or recognize the hurt words can cause may begin to think and talk differently.
I attended this event with a friend and climbing partner who only has one functioning leg. A decade ago he was in accident that damaged his spine causing him to be paralyzed for five years following. In the recent five years he has retaught himself to walk and stand up although now with only one leg. His left leg remains 90% dead and so he walks with crutches and has a very noticeable limp.
I thought is was interesting the reaction he had to her talk. When she threw out the word "cripple" he was instantly convicted of using that term a lot to describe himself and some of this friends who too have lower body injuries. On the other hand he admitted that he couldn't stand when anyone outside of this disability culture used that word, but he never really cared if he or another disabled person threw it around.
He went up to the presenter after the event and told her from now on he was no longer going to use derogatory terms about disabilities and just couldn't stop telling me how wrong he felt for ever finding it acceptable. I asked him if it made a difference, or he found it more acceptable, to be ok with using the word himself because he is disabled and he quickly answered, no.
When we had our guest in for our class on disability culture, Julie Reiskin, she made mention that what was ok for her, or someone with disabilities, to say was not ok for someone outside of that culture/community to say. But what changed for my friend at Ignite was that if he expected others to respect and change their language then he should set the example by too changing the way he talks about himself and other people with disabilities.
Although this isn't connected to any one article, I thought it was interesting enough to share as we look at cultures and discuss what is right and respectful, and what isn't. In my own personal experience I have a mentally challenged sibling. I do not and will not ever use the word "retarded" to describe him or anything else even if its completely unrelated to a human's mental ability. That word is often used to describe something as stupid, pointless, not right etc. And that is not how I feel about my sibling. Even though I may have some leeway in the culture because of my family situations, I still would never find it ok to use that word or for anyone in this community to use that word.
And I wonder if the same should be considered within ethnic groups who use racial slurs with one another but find it offensive if those words are used by another outside of the culture. Like the presenter at Ignite said change must begin with those who are want to make a difference and it must continue by the example we show. So she asked her GLBT community to not use the word "gay" of "fag" outside of its rightful meaning. And my friend voiced that he couldn't and shouldn't call himself a cripple or a gimp if he wanted to ask the rest of society to stop using it.
Silly example but its what I was reminded of in the conversations that followed the Ignite Event with my friends. In the movie, Mean Girls, Tina Fey is talking with the female teenagers in the auditorium about the need to stop harassing and judging one another. And she throws this out.. "You have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores." Is this true? Do we unknowingly make it ok for words to be used against us if we're ok using them ourselves?
So to sum this up, my challenge is to rethink the way in which we talk to each other in our own cultures before we can expect others to change the way they talk to us. Now I'm all about jokes and making light of something, but at the end of the day our language is filled with a billion words so there's a ton of options to chose from so let's exercise our minds and vocabulary to use words more appropriately.
They haven't uploaded her speech yet to their youtube page, but when they do I think it's worth taking a look at.. http://www.youtube.com/igniteboulder
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ReplyDeleteThis brings up a really interesting conversation around the n-word (sorry to use it that way, it nearly impossible not to offend someone no matter how one tries to talk about this topic). Recently, another comedienne made a major misstep according to many critics and the public. Lisa Lampanelli (http://atlantablackstar.com/2013/02/22/comedienne-lisa-lampanellis-tweet-reignites-nigger-vs-nigga-debate/) ignited a debate around the use of "nigga" and in her apology tried to explain that nigga is not as bad as saying the word with an -er at the end (http://jezebel.com/5986028/lisa-lampanelli-believes-she-can-use-the-word-nigga-because-it-has-an-a-on-the-end).
ReplyDeleteIn many ways the debate about who should be able to use an offensive term and whether or not the term is offensive if it is used by an "in-group" member, is similar to discussions about minorities employing minority humor to gain audiences. Is it ever okay? Does use of the work simply reinforce its place in our vocabulary? If the word can have such a negative impact, then is that impact really removed when a qualifying member uses it? What if the disability is not automatically noticeable, like someone with mild autism or Aspergers saying retard; others might not ascribe to them the identity of one who has a mental disability, but they may be avowed as having it.
It seems that eliminating vulgar or offensive terms from our vocabularies is the path to least offensiveness, but some might then claim a move toward censorship and limited expression, as Lampanelli seemed to be doing.